Portal

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According to Mayan astrology, I’m a portal. My birthday calculates to my being – a doorway.

Now here’s a dream I had about ten years ago. Don’t stop reading yet because it’s a very cool dream.

I’m walking down the middle of a main street in the middle of the night. I’m in a deserted town headed towards ‘home’. As I’m walking I look up to the roof of a short building and notice a small black boy watching me. I don’t think much of it and continue walking towards my house.

Once I’m inside I see people sleeping all over the house – on the couch, on chairs, even on the floor. I have to step over people to reach my bedroom. When I get to my bedroom door, which is open (mind you, I don’t know this house or any of these people in real life) I stop because the boy who was on the roof earlier is now standing next to the doorway – and he’s a man. A huge black man.

We don’t speak, but I understand he wants me to learn the significance of walking through the doorway. We look at each other and I understand he’s been around for a long long time – eons – and that he knows – a lot – about the Universe and – everything.  He isn’t human.

I look through the doorway into my room. Then I walk through. And as I walked through – in the very center of the doorway, I understood there is a place of perfect balance – of being neither here nor there – of being centered. There is stillness in that space and it’s also a space of transition. Leaving behind and entering the new. When I entered my room the dream ended and I woke up feeling sad – like I wanted to stay in the dream with him and learn more.

I’m not sure what it means to be a portal, but I’ve learned the importance of making decisions and spotting “doorways”.  We’re always confronted with or given opportunities to choose and at some point one either has to turn around or go forward.  When we choose to not make a choice, which is the action of inaction or nonaction – that’s still an action and things still happen.  It’s important to be aware of the experiences of choice, actions and consequences.

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8 thoughts on “Portal

  1. Wow, that idea about Mayan astrology, the portal and the black boy / man really hit home. I totally get that. Do you believe in reincarnation? Sorry if that’s overly personal, but I do and while I’m trying not to get all fanatical about it, that’s the first thing that sprang to mind when I read the beginning. I can totally identify with what you wrote. Thanks. I mean it, I think I needed to connect with that again, in a better way this time.

    • Neftwink

      Hi, – your question isn’t overly personal. Your post makes me think about a dream I had about five days ago – about Antwone Fisher. I’m not sure what to make of the dream, but I researched him and I did not know a movie was made about him or that he wrote a book. I ordered his memoir and just got it today. I don’t know – maybe there’s a message in it. Thanks for writing. Best to you and yours.

      • That Antwone Fisher reference does ring a bell, I need to look into that. Though I bet you that book will be one fine read. Btw. I meant to add my name and blog, sorry about that. Still learning the ropes on WordPress. Let me know how you enjoyed it.

  2. Do you ever wonder if that small black boy who then became this huge black man, filled with compassion and wanting the peace for you that you were longing for was the picture of God…of Christ himself speaking silently but poinetly to you?? In reading this it seemed obvious to me. Christ loves you and wants you to find that peace…but the doorway to that peace is only through Him and the ride you jump on to follow Him as a believer is not necessarily an easy one…in fact, it’s harder than most think…but worth the cost. blessings, j

  3. Evelyn A

    Its a constant battle that often does not involve just one addiction, but a multitude of things that are bad for me…
    this is nakedly honest.
    thank you

  4. Hayley

    My God can I identify with this…the compulsion to scratch that itch when all the time you know how badly it’s gonna end up if you do – Total Insanity. I’m 15 months sober after many attempts to get ”sober for good” but Jesus I still get that itch sometimes & not scratching it can be harder & make you feel more useless & alone than you could ever begin to imagine Amazing blog (I found you on the Daily Mail comments!) I’ll be coming back so keep up the good work.

    • neftwink

      Hi! I’m so glad you can identify. I’ve been working on my memoir for almost a year and I’m trying real hard to speak to both the addict and help the non addict know, as much as possible, our experience.

      Way to go on your 15 months. I know exactly where you’re at. I’ll have to look for the Daily mail comments. I don’t know my way around this site yet. I’ve just added more and have tons more to come.

      Thanks for reading and commenting. :)

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